Legacy

What kind are you leaving behind?? More important, what kind am I leaving behind?? I know you are now wondering what in the heck I'm talking about, so let me explain.
Randy and I went to a funeral yesterday. Well, it hit Randy pretty hard, he didn't know him well, and well I didn't know him at all, but after listening to the speakers I think I would have liked the guy. But I think what kinda got me was the guy was only 45 yep, only 3 years older than my wonderful husband. Then he didn't die of natural causes or even self induced causes, it was an accident. Could happen to any of us, right? Well, we sat there and listened to the speakers, the speakers were his current wife, his ex wife, (a little weird I thought but whatever) and his children from the first marriage. Well, his kids, really everyone talked about how many wonderful memories they had with him, his children went on and on about how he always took them with him, they were always going camping or boating or hiking, just a very active dad in their lives. I was impressed and saddened that these kids lost such an amazing father, that their children will miss out on such an amazing grandfather, this world needs more people in the world like this.
So here i go, we walked out and Randy said to me, will my children speak of me like that, my answer, without a doubt of course they will, he loves his children more than life itself, plays with them takes them with him whenever he can, all that good stuff. Ok but now I'm thinking, what about me what would my children say about me, she always made me get my chores done before I could play or have desert or I wanted to quit piano and she wouldn't let me. Man that kinda freaks me out. I want my kids to remember how much I love them, how important they are to me. I don't want them to remember, that mom was the mean one, the one that made them do their jobs and get good grades and get homework done before they can play. So tonight instead of hurry hurry get jobs done and brush your teeth, say prayers and get to bed, I sat down and played a couple of games with my girls, sat and talked to Jake about what an awesome kid he is. I want my kids to remember that they as individuals are far more important to me than a clean house or perfectly made dinner, that its ok to grab take out, and not shower before bed, to play games, and laugh loud, and stay up past bed time. That its ok to hug them a little bit tighter and a little bit longer, because hey you never know, and what are they going to remember, I hope that I don't care if I look like a pig pen, but they are loved, that I took the time, that they mean more to me than any thing else in the whole world, that they are my everything!! I love you my sweet babies!